Description (May contain spoilers)

Nick and Charlie arrive at the wedding venue.

TW: For Anxiety and Panic Attacks, please take extra care.

Charlie

Travelling to the wedding venue really made it all start to feel real for Charlie. In a few hours he would no longer be just plain Charlie Spring, he’d be a husband to the sexiest man he’d ever met. He knows his friends have all called them Nick&Charlie since secondary school, but today it would actually become official.

In the car beside him Isaac sat squeezing his hand, sensing his anxiety spiking. He knew it wasn’t really the thought of whether or not Nick was going to turn up, everybody knew they were destined to be together. But it was starting to dawn on him exactly what today would entail.

All eyes would be on them, for the whole day. There would be no hiding, no sneaking off to be alone with Nick as they so often did at parties ever since they were young. Everyone was expecting them to be the centre of attention: – standing in front of everyone for the whole ceremony, being in all of the pictures, giving a speech at the reception. As they pulled up in the driveway of the hotel, Charlie was finding it hard to breathe.

“Are you ok?” Asked Tao from the seat opposite him.

Hitting Tao with her small clutch, Elle snarled, “Of course he’s not you idiot.” Turning to Charlie and placing a gentle hand on his knee, “Charlie darlin’, try and breathe with me ok, nice slow deep breathes.”

Charlie tried to copy Elle’s breathing, tried to get his panic attack under control. It helped a little, but sensing the eyes staring at the car outside, was making his anxiety worse. They were waiting for him to get out and walk inside, but he was frozen in place. What must they be thinking? Did they think he had cold feet? Did they think he was going to leave Nick standing at the altar alone?

“Tao, get everyone inside and clear us a path,” Elle barked. Giving a mini salute, Tao got out of the car along with Isaac, leaving Charlie and Elle alone. Together the boys made quick work of getting all the lingering guests away from the car and inside the hotel. Elle fired off a quick text, and when she had a reply that the coast was clear, she gently spoke again, “Listen to me Charlie, I want you to try and focus on my voice and nothing else, ok.”

After hesitating, Charlie gave a tiny nod for Elle to continue, “We’re going to take this one step at a time. First, we need to get you out of this car, then you and me, we’re going to go up to the hotel room they’ve booked for you and Nick.”

“But it won’t be ready, they said we couldn’t use it until this evening,” Charlie protested weakly.

“Don’t worry about what they said, it’s all taken care of. Now do you think you can manage getting out of the car with me?”

Charlie nodded again, choosing to trust his dear friend. Elle opened the door of the car and stepped out, before facing Charlie and holding out her hands to help ease him up out of the car onto the gravel driveway that led up to the hotel’s entrance.

“That’s it,” she cooed, “I’ve had Tao and Isaac move all your guests further inside the hotel, so we’re going to sneak you up the stairs without anyone seeing, okay?”

Another nod and Elle was slowly guiding Charlie inside the hotel and up the stairs, helping him with his breathing as they went. Isaac subtly passed Elle a keycard as they moved past him, and within a few minutes the pair were safely inside the room. Charlie sat down on the edge of the bed, and Elle crouched down in front of him. His breathing had eased a little, but he was still in a state of panic.

Hearing a ding of a new text message being received, Elle quickly checked her phone and after firing off a quick response, tucked it back into her purse.

“Who was that?” Charlie shakily managed to ask.

“Don’t you worry about that, you just focus on breathing for me ok, in…and out…in….and out.”

There was a gentle tap on the door.

“Who’s that? I don’t want to see anyone Elle, please,” Charlie begged, his breathing quickening once more.

“It’s okay, you’re ok, trust me,” Elle said, before she released Charlie’s hands and raised to her feet. As she headed toward the door, Charlie’s eyes darted around the room; he could dash to the bathroom, lock himself in, but then he’d be trapped and feel even worse.

“Char?” The honey soaked voice of his future husband wafted over him from the doorway.

“Nick?” Charlie squeaked, sounding so lost. Nick rushed across the room to wrap Charlie in his arms; holding him close and letting him find comfort in his familiar frame.

Nick

Looking out of the car window at the gorgeous sunshine as they rode to the hotel, Nick felt so happy. All the planning, and there was a lot of planning, was finally culminating in today, their special day. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, perfect weather for all the photos they had planned around the grounds of the country house hotel they’d booked for the day.

When they’d been planning their wedding, they had looked at a number of venues. Neither of them was religious, so a church service wasn’t appropriate, they considered a registry office but that felt a little too impersonal.

When they discovered the possibility of having the wedding and the reception at the same venue, they knew that was the way they wanted to go. They’d been to all too many of their friends weddings where people had got lost along the way between the ceremony and the reception when they had to relocate.

They first considered booking the hotel where they’d shared their first kiss, until memories of both Harry and Ben from that night made them decide to find somewhere that didn’t have any painful memories attached to it. So, when they came across The Lodge, a cute country house hotel that they could have exclusive use of, they both fell in love with it.

Pulling into the large gravel driveway, Nick felt like he was floating on air. He could see the car Charlie had arrived in just driving off, so he knew his baby was inside waiting for him. As they pulled up though, Nick could sense something was wrong. Isaac was standing by the door waiting for them, and that wasn’t part of the plan.

Rushing out of the car in a panic, Nick asked Isaac, “What’s happened? Where’s Charlie?”

“Elle took him upstairs, we think he started to have a panic attack as the car pulled up,” Isaac calmly informed Nick.

“I need to see him, Isaac, take me to him, please,” the last word almost a desperate sob. Isaac nodded and led Nick inside and up the stairs to the suite.

“Thank you, Isaac,” Nick said sincerely before facing the door. Taking a deep breathe, Nick knocked gently, knowing he didn’t want to spook Charlie if he was still in a state of panic. It felt like it took a lifetime for the door to open as he waited, he needed to see that Charlie was ok.

The door opened a fraction, and Nick saw Elle standing just behind it. When she saw it was him, she opened the door wide enough so he could softly slip inside. He saw immediately his beautiful boy looking so afraid at the end of the bed. He called out, “Char?” From where he stood by the door.

Charlie didn’t turn towards him, but Nick heard him call for him so quietly. Immediately Nick rushed over and wrapped himself around Charlie’s smaller body. Engulfing him in his arms, hoping that feeling him close would comfort him and help him to feel safe.

“You’re not supposed to see me before the wedding,” Charlie mumbled into Nick’s strong chest, not letting go now that his own arms had wrapped around Nick too.

Nick giggled, “Hush, baby, you needed me, and I came. I will always come when you need me.” Nick ran has fingers softly through Charlie’s curls.

“Mind the hair, that took me ages,” Elle called from the other side of the room.

Nick and Charlie both looked towards her, neither remembering they weren’t alone. Sinking down to his knees so that he was eye level with his fiancé, Nick asked, “What happened baby?”

“My stupid brain as always,” Charlie said dejectedly.

Giving him a knowing look, Nick simply replied, “Talk to me, Char.”

Taking another deep breath, Charlie filled Nick in on what caused his panic attack to start in the first place. His nerves about today, and all eyes being on them.

When he had finished, Nick tentatively asked, “Do you, do you not want to get married?”

“What?! No, of course I do, Nick. I just…the thought of everything I have to do, while being the centre of attention. it’s…a lot,” Charlie sighed before continuing, “Honestly, I know it’s silly. I know we’ve planned everything in such amazing detail that there shouldn’t be any surprises, but..”

“Do I need to ban buts as well as Sorry?” Nick smirked, “It’s not silly if it’s how you feel.”

“I know…I do. Everything today has just felt a little…off. Ever since I didn’t wake up next to you for the first time in forever.”

“You know that was your idea, right? And for the record, I never want to wake up without you by my side again.” Nick kissed Charlie on the forehead as he giggled.

“As for today, everything is something we have to do. Together, Char, you won’t be alone. I will be by your side all day and we will take everything one step at a time, okay?”

“Okay,” Charlie nodded, a small smile creeping across his face.