Adam

It’s 7.30pm and we are due to close the restaurant at 9, but a party of 20 has just turned up without a reservation. We’re not busy so we can’t really turn them away. Ab and I push together a few of the tables in the middle of the room so they can all sit together and get them all settled in with menus. At the weekends we usually have bar staff, hosts and servers to spread the work when its busy, but because it’s the middle of the week we’re the only two front of house staff scheduled to be on shift. That’s usually more than we need but tonight was going to be tough. We have a couple of minutes while they look through the menus, so Abi and I discuss how we’re going to manage this,

“I reckon they’ll want drinks first, you start one end and I’ll start the other,” I nod in agreement with Abi as we look on at the already noisy group, “hopefully we can then serve their drinks before taking on their food order.”

“Should we warn the kitchen? I’m sure they won’t suddenly be expected 20 tickets to be sent through tonight.”

“Good thinking Adam, can you pop through at let them know for me,” Abi asks.

“Sure,” I discretely head through into the kitchen and let the chefs know what’s happening. They thank me for the heads up and I head back out to start taking the party’s drinks orders.

We work our way down the table from each end and thankfully the group have steered clear of the cocktail menu and opted for a few bottles of wine for the table. Heading to the bar, Abi and I give each other a knowing look both thinking we’ve got lucky tonight. We grab the bottles they ordered and carry trays of wine glasses a deliver them to each of the ladies. Once all the bottles are open on the table, ready for them to help themselves, we go back to each end and Abi asks them if they are ready to order their food.

We should have known it wouldn’t be as straight forward as it first seemed when they placed their drinks order. Most of the table want starters, a mix of sharer plates and solo dishes. We’re not going to be able to remember who’s ordered what but at least we’ve written their orders down on our order pads so that we don’t have to try and remember it when we get back to the bar. We also take their orders for mains too so that we can put everything through to the kitchen at the same time so they can get started.

It’s a few minutes before we get the nod from the kitchen that the first starters are ready to go out. Working together Abi and I manage to get all of the dishes out to the table without too much of a wait for them to all be served. Normally Abi would be based at the greeting station at the front of the restaurant but we both go and wait by the bar so that we can see when they are ready to move to their next course which is going to be even more complicated.

For the starters, although there were lots of different choices made, they were all just as listed on the menu. But for the mains it felt like everyone wanted some change or another made to the dishes they were ordering so making sure everyone get the right variation was a nightmare. Fortunately, the kitchen is on the ball tonight and everything is done exactly to the requests made by the party. As we bring out a few orders at a time, Abi and I have to make sure we’re extra careful with how we describe what we are carrying to make sure it gets to the right people. With only one or two confusions, I think more to do with the wine they’ve been drinking rather than our lack of clarity, we eventually manage to get everyone what they’ve ordered, and we can finally settle back to the bar at the side once more to keep a discreet eye in case they need us.

More bottles of wine are ordered, and they all seem to be having a good time. They stay until it’s time for us to close and I think to myself that it’s a good thing we weren’t busy as they were making so much noise that I’m sure we’d have complaints from other guests otherwise. We get the restaurant cleared up ready for the next day’s service and I say good night to Abi and head to the bus stop to catch my bus home.

Liam

I work up quite a sweat in the gym over the course of my workout, it’s really helped to clear my head and relax. The gym is the one place where nothing else matters and it’s just me and the machines. I finish my last superset and stretch out before heading back to the locker room to collect my things. Sometimes I’ll shower at the gym before heading home, but it’s getting late, and I figure it’s not too far to walk home so I grab my bag and head out still in my gym kit.

It’s dark but its not too cold as I walk the 15 minutes back home, the heat of my workout still coursing through me to give me a little extra heat. I’m still listening to my music as I go and I’m not really focussing too much on my surroundings until I reach for the door at the front my building and my hand grazes another. I instinctively pull my hand back, slip off my headphones and turn to say sorry but then my breath catches. It’s him.

Under the soft glow of the entrance light, he looks so gorgeous, I just want to reach out and touch him and be touched by him. He’s in that same black shirt again with the top buttons undone just enough to show a glimpse of the skin at his neck, I so badly want to lean in and kiss him there. My thoughts are racing through my head, my heart feels as though its beating faster than when I was working out. It feels like I’m staring at him for minutes, although it can only be seconds, I clear my throat and shyly say “Sorry”, what is wrong with me?

He gives me a shy smile back and pulls the door open and holds it for me to walk through. We both head towards the lift, I can rarely manage the stairs after a hard workout, especially as today was a leg day. I press the button to call the lift, we both stand there waiting, neither one of us saying anything. I can hear Emily’s voice in the back of my head telling me to say something, anything, but I’ve lost the ability to speak, just being this close to him makes my mind go to jelly.

The lift doors open, and we both wordlessly step inside, he presses the button for the 8^th and then the 9^th, he remembered my floor. Please don’t be blushing, please don’t be blushing, I mentally chant to myself. The doors close and the lift starts to rise, I try to think of something to say, anything at all before this ride is over but my mind isn’t co-operating. There’s a sudden jolt and the light in the lift dims, a red out of service light on the panel has illuminated and that’s when I start to realise, we’re stuck.

Adam

It’s a short walk from the bus stop back to my building and I’ll be so glad to just strip off and fall asleep. I ache all over from all the extra work, I’m not often having to serve as well as take orders and do the meet and greet side of things at the restaurant and it really is exhausting. I’m looking down at my phone as I approach the entrance and as I go to reach for the handle another hand lands on top of mine. I look up to see who it is, it’s not often I see anyone else around the building this late, and it’s him. He’s wearing even less than when I saw him earlier, he’s clearly been to the gym. He’s wearing another vest, this time looser and clearly drenched in sweat but showing off his amazing biceps, and dark shorts showing off his long legs with a naturally light covering hair.

Damn what I wouldn’t give to just lick him right now. I thought I was exhausted, I was exhausted, but seeing him all hot and sweaty like this has clearly woken me up. Or at least woken something up inside me. All too quickly he’s removed his hand and he seems shy all of a sudden as he’s apologising to me. I miss the contact of his hand, it’s been so long since I’ve had any contact with another man and it would have to be this man. The man I’ve been fantasising about for weeks, ok months. I pull the door open and hold it for him, I try to will my mouth to say something, anything but all I can think about is how sexy he looks right now.

He presses the button to call the lift and we both stand in silence while we wait for it to arrive. After what feels like ages, although its probably only a few seconds, the lift doors open, and we both step inside. I press the button for my floor and then I instinctively press the button for his like I did earlier. I don’t look at him standing behind me, did he notice I remembered his floor? Of course he noticed, otherwise he’d be leaning in to press it himself, what is wrong with me?

The doors close and we start to rise in silence, I don’t know what to say but before long theres a jolt and it gets dark, a red light appears on the panel at the side of the lift, and I start to panic.

“Oh god, we’re stuck, no, no this can’t be happening,” my words come out fast and my breathes are coming out short and sharp, I’m struggling to breathe. I hit the alarm button and another light appears that just says ‘Operator aware’. “Operator aware! Really!” I move back against the wall, my legs start to feel like they can’t hold me up any more and I feel myself sliding down the wall and onto the floor. I can’t breathe, I’m panicking, and I can’t breathe. “Why’s it so dark, we’re going to die, we’re going to die” I manage to gasp out between breathes. The lift feels dark and small, and I’m terrified.

I feel two arms wrap around me and warm breath on my ear, he’s saying something, but I can’t make it out. I need more air, I need to get out, I can’t breathe.

Liam

I’m sure it won’t be long before we are moving again, but before I have a chance to say that out loud, I see this cute man start to panic. His breathing is erratic and each word he says seems to be a struggle, coming out in gaps between him trying to inhale. I recognise it as a panic attack, I try to calm him. I don’t want to startle him, so I move alongside him and say gently, “It’ll be ok, try to take deep breaths,” but he doesn’t seem to register my words. He backs up against the wall and I see his legs give way underneath him and he’s slipping down to the floor.

I need to get his attention, to calm him and soothe him. I drop my bag to the floor and get down alongside him. “Can I hold you, so you can try and breath with me,” I say gently again so as not to startle him further but it’s clear he can’t hear me over the panic attack that seems to be building inside him. I have no other choice but to go with it, I move in closer and wrap my arms around him. I place one hand on his chest and try to move it up and down in time with my breathing. I get close to his hear in the hopes I can break through the noise to him, “come on, breathe with me, slowly, just try and breathe with me,” and I feel his breathing start to slow. He’s getting more under control now, and I just keep going. I keep reassuring him, “it’s going to be ok, you just need to breathe, that’s it.”

I think he’s through the worst of it, his breathing seems more normal now. I start to remove my arms, but he reaches up to hold them in place and I just keep on holding him. If this is what he needs, I will keep on holding him for as long as he needs me. We are both quiet for a few minutes. He seems a lot calmer now and I start to enjoy the sensations of just holding him. For the first time since I started holding him, I allow myself to take him in properly. He feels smaller than me, but not too skinny. He smells like a combination of some fragrance I can’t put my finger on and tomatoes. I probably shouldn’t be smelling a random stranger after he’s just had a panic attack but everything about him is just intoxicating.

I realise I’m still all sweaty from the gym and I curse myself for not showering there.

“What was that?” he says turned slightly to look at me, shit I thought that was just inside my head.

“Erm,” I try to think of something smooth to say but there’s no point I might as well just tell him, “I was just thinking that I must be getting you all sweaty, I’ve just come straight from the gym,” I blush again and think he’s going to want to pull away from me but a small smile breaks out on his face for the first time since he started to panic.

“I don’t mind, I actually kind of like it,” now he’s blushing from his own revelation, and he looks so cute still wrapped in my arms.

Adam

I can’t believe I just say I like that he’s all sweaty. Really! The hottest guy in the world is wrapped around me and I say that! Abi is going to be laughing at me for weeks when I tell her about this. I wish the bottom of the lift would just open up and swallow me hole before I die of embarrassment or say something worse. But he doesn’t seem to mind my awkwardness and he’s smiling at me.

“I’m Liam, by the way,” he says with his arms still wrapped around me. I should probably let him release me, but it just feels so nice and safe with him wrapped around me like this.

“Adam.”

“How long have you lived here?” oh, he’s making small talk, I guess he’s trying to distract me.

“About 5 years, have you and your wife lived here long?”

He looks confused at my question, “My wife?”

“Sorry, I just assumed you were married, is it just you and your daughter then?”

After a few seconds he seems to remember that I saw him earlier that day with the little girl, “No, my daughter doesn’t live with me, she lives with her mums, but they weren’t around earlier, so I had to pick her up from school because she wasn’t well.”

Did he just say mums? I was wondering why anyone would leave this sexy man for someone else but then I suppose if you are really into women then he probably isn’t your type. “Oh, so you’re divorced then?”

Another confused look spreads across his face at that, I suppose these days not everyone gets married just because they have a kid.

Liam

Why does he think I might be divorced? Before I have a chance to answer him theres another jolt and Adam grips my hand a little tighter. I pull him closer to me, so he feels safe, and really, I’m enjoying feeling him pressed against me. He sinks into me further and his head is now nestled under my chin. The lift still isn’t showing any signs of moving though so I go back to answering his question.

“No, I’ve never been married, that’s not to say I don’t want to get married someday, I just, haven’t found the right guy yet,” wow, that was a lot more than I was expecting to say. Part of me is glad I can’t see his face wit the ankle he’s now in as I’d hate to think what that overshare has made him think.

He’s quiet for a moment, perhaps he’s thinking about how best to pull away from me. Shit, maybe he’s straight, and now he knows I’m gay he wants to get as far away from me as he can in this tiny space. I should really release my arms but I really, really don’t want to. Not if this is going to be the last chance I get of being close to this man that I’ve fantasised about for so long.

“The right…guy?” he seems to be considering what I just said, I’m at a loss for words but that’s ok because he follows up with another question, “You mean, you’re not…straight?”

Please don’t run away, please don’t run away, “No, I’m…gay,” why does it feel like I’m a teenager coming out all over again.

He starts to move, I’ve blown it, he wants to get away, I loosen my arms, brace myself for him to reject me and break my heart. But he’s not trying to get away, he’s turning to look at me and there’s a smile on his face.

Adam

He’s gay, he’s not straight, am I hearing him right or is it just my mind playing tricks on me. I can’t hide the joy on my face at the thought that this sexy man is actually slightly more attainable than I thought he was this morning. I know, I’m getting ahead of myself, not every gay guy is going to want me just because they are gay, but I can dream…right?

We sit and chat while we are still waiting to be freed from this lift, I learn about how he came to have a daughter and tell him about my dreams of becoming a writer someday. We joke perhaps being stuck like this might give me some inspiration for a story. He holds me the whole time, it feels so nice just to be in those big strong arms. We’re talking for about 2 hours before the lift jolts again, causing him to grip me tightly once more, this time it starts moving and the doors open on the 1^st floor.

Liam’s arms lower from my body and I feel the loss of his warmth, comfort and touch. He stands up and holds out his hand to help me to my feet. Once I’m up he bends to pick up his bag, I may stare at his bum while he bends but I don’t think he catches me looking. We leave the lift and climb the stairs together, neither of us knowing what to say as we ascend. We get to my floor, and I don’t want him to go, but after just spending 2 hours in his arms I don’t want to appear desperate so I simply say “Thanks for helping me tonight,” with a shy smile and head through to door for my landing.

Liam

I get Kayleigh settled in my bed where she drifts off to sleep almost instantly. I hate seeing her so poorly. I haven’t had to look after her when she’s been unwell before, her Mums have always been around to take care of her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I could be there for my little girl when she needed me, but I’m also concerned that I still haven’t heard from either Emily or Sarah.

I close the bedroom door gently so that I didn’t disturb Kayleigh, and then try Emily’s mobile again. It rings and rings, and just when I think it’s about to go to voicemail yet again Emily finally picks up, “Hello, Liam?”

“Emily, finally, we’ve been trying to get hold of you for hours,”

“Hours? We, who’s we?”

“Me and the School, Kayleigh was sick, and they couldn’t get hold of either you or Sarah. So, they had to call me to come and get her,”

“Oh my god, is she ok,” I hear her rushing about, probably panicking to get to the car.

“She’s fine, she’s been sick a few times but now she’s asleep in my bed,” I try to reassure her.

“Your bed?”

“Yes, I couldn’t get hold of either of you, so I had to bring her to my place. It’s ok, she’s ok.”

“Wait, weren’t you supposed to be at work? I’m sorry I’ll be there as soon I can to pick her up,”

“It’s ok, I explained I had to pick up my poorly daughter and it was fine. Come when you can and don’t worry, ok”

“Ok, I’m sorry again,”

“Don’t apologise, I’ll see you when you get here,”

After a few more apologies, the call ends with Emily on her way over. I really don’t mind, she is my daughter too and I’ve always been happy to step up as and when Emily and Sarah have needed me to. Usually that has meant babysitting when they wanted some time alone as a couple, or helping out with little things like building a dolls house at my place so that she didn’t see it before her birthday. I’d also been a part of each Birthday and Christmas celebration when she was growing up, at Emily and Sarah’s insistence. I always worried I’d be stepping on their toes, but they have always encouraged me to be part of Kayleigh’s life if I wanted to and I was so happy they felt that way as she really is a special kid.

While I wait for Emily to arrive, I log on to my laptop and carry on with some work. It isn’t expected of me, they really were understanding that sometimes family needed to come first, but there isn’t much else to do while Kayleigh is sleeping. About an hour later, Emily is ringing the buzzer downstairs on the entry system. I buzz her up and open the door ready to greet her. When the lift down the hall opens and Emily appears, it’s clear she left in a rush. I can’t help, I start laughing, her hair is a mess, and her clothes are so out of place, it’s so unlike her. Normally every hair is perfectly in place, and she is immaculately dressed.

“What have you been up to?”, I ask with an obvious smirk as she walks inside. She blushes so deep, knowing I’ve caught her out.

“Well, me and Sarah both had a day off you see and…”

“That’s ok,” I quickly cut her off, “I definitely don’t need the details of what you and your wife get up to thank you very much, do you want to scar me for life.” That gets her laughing as we sit down on the sofa.

“How is she? Was she upset we weren’t there for her?”

“I think she’s fine now, I’ve checked on her a couple of times and she’s just been asleep since I got her here. She was just happy that I came to get her, I think she was feeling more sorry for herself rather than worrying who picked her up.”

“Typical isn’t it, the one day we get to spend together,” she is clearly still feeling guilty for missing all the calls from both me and the school.

“So, what’s with the vest, did you have a sexy time interrupted to?”, she asks half smirking and half curious. I’d forgotten I was still in my vest after Kayleigh’s earlier accident.

“No, you have our daughter to thank for that, as I was getting her out of the car my shirt was a victim of her poorly tummy.”

“Ah, sorry about that,” there’s her guilt again.

“It happens, it’ll come out in the wash.”

We go to check on Kayleigh together and she’s still fast asleep. Rather than disturb her, we return to the sofa where the topic inevitably turns to me and my non-existent love life.

“Soooo, are you seeing anyone yet?”

“No, I’m still depressingly single and boring,”

“What about that guy you told me about? The one who lives in the building?” I forgot I’d mentioned him to Emily. A few weeks ago, when I first saw him leaving as I was coming home from work, he was in a black button up shirt with the top couple of buttons undone and I remember at the time wishing I could just plant soft kisses against his neck. I’d met up with Emily and Sarah that evening, and I was so distracted, I couldn’t get thoughts of him out of my head the whole night. Knowing me as well as they both do, I’ve never been able to hide anything from them.

“I don’t even know if he’s gay, or if he would even be interested in me,”

“There you go again, putting yourself down before you even try. You are kind, caring, considerate, and not to mention sexy. Yet you always think no guy is going to be interested in you. You’ll never know unless you try Liam,”

She gives me the same speech every time I’ve liked a guy. I always talk myself out of trying to put myself out there for fear of being rejected or getting my heart broken. The last guy I was seeing was called Colin, we had great chemistry in bed, every time it was hot and horny. I really liked him, but while I saw a loving future for us together, it turned out he had other ideas. Sure, he had readily agreed that we wouldn’t see other people or sleep around, and although we weren’t at the stage to move in together, we were close enough that we’d swapped keys for each other’s places. I thought everything was going great, until one day I’d come home from work early and found Colin with not one, but two twinks in my bed. That was about 18 months ago, and although Emily had helped me come round to the idea that Colin’s actions were all his fault and not mine, there was still some doubt that crept into my mind whenever I considered trying to start anything with someone new.

Emily snapped her fingers in front of my face to get my attention, it seems I’d drifted off into memories of my disastrous time with Colin.

“Do I need to tell you again that not every guy is like Colin?”, of course she knows that’s what I was thinking.

“I saw him again today,”

“Who, Colin?” her face turns angry at the thought I might have been anywhere near Colin again, I love my friend so much.

I raise my hands to calm her, “No, don’t panic. I saw the cute guy who lives here again,” she calms and gets her expression switches to intrigued.

“When I came home with Kayleigh, I saw someone stepping out of the lift, so I called to get him to hold the doors as I was carrying Kayleigh. When he turned, I saw it was him and I don’t know why I just felt suddenly so shy in front of him,” I look down at my lap, not wanting to see the pity on Emily’s face.

“Then I couldn’t reach the buttons as I was worried about dropping Kayleigh, and when I tried to ask him to press it for me, it sounded like I was an awkward teenager again,” there was no point trying to hide things from Emily, she’d get it out of me in the end anyway.

“Aww, that’s so cute,” Emily cooed making me blush, “Wait, is that how you were dressed then,” she said looking me up and down causing me to blush further.

“Erm, yeah,” God this was embarrassing.

“And was he checking you out?”

“I don’t know,” exasperated by her question. I try to think back to just a short while ago. Was he checking me out? I don’t know, why am I so bad at this?

When Kayleigh wakes up a little while later, feeling a little better after her nap, Emily takes her back to their home. Although she was sick, it was nice to be able to be there for Kayleigh, just like any other dad.

Adam

Wednesdays are always quiet at the restaurant, but that means I get a chance to catch up with my best friend Abi without her boyfriend being around. She may, technically, be my boss as she is the senior host, but we’ve never let that get in the way of our friendship. It probably isn’t the right thing for us to do, but whenever it’s quiet, we sit in an empty booth and chat. We always put the customers first, and can always see if someone needs us, but somehow Wednesdays have become our regular catch-up night when we’re between tables.

“What’s new with you then?” I ask Abi as we both sip our cokes in a booth nearest the door.

“Not much really, did I tell you Steven’s starting a new job? It’s still the same 9 – 5 hours so we won’t get any more time together, but it’s better money so maybe we’ll finally be able to get a bigger place.”

“That’s amazing, I know you two have wanted to move for so long, I’m so pleased for you Abi.”

“How about you, any hot new men ravaging you at night?” I almost spit out my coke with her directness, I should be used to it by now, but she always finds a different way to surprise me. It’s become our running joke each week of how and when she’s going to make me choke.

“HA! Definitely no ravaging going on,”

“What about that guy in your building, the one you can’t keep your eyes off?” she teases, I knew I should never have told her about him.

I paused, thinking back to seeing him in the lift earlier today. “I think, he may be straight,” I sighed.

“Oh, how come?”

“Well, most guys with kids are straight,” I sound like a petulant child, as if she should have known that he had a kid.

“Wait, kid? What actually happened?”

I explain about seeing him getting into the lift with the little girl, I somehow manage to leave out that part about him looking like a god with his biceps on show.

“Is that all?” she scoffs at me, “Honey, do you even know if the girl was his? It could have been his niece, or he could have been doing a favour for a friend.”

I shrug before she continues, “and, even if she was his daughter that doesn’t automatically mean he’s straight or that he’s not single. This is 2023 not 1923.”

“Erm…”, I didn’t think of that.

“See, you always think the worst, now have you tried to actually have a conversation with him?”

“I couldn’t do that, he’s all…” I make an exaggerated muscle pose which elicits a slight chuckle from Abi, “while I’m all, this,” I gestured to myself.

“Well, they do say opposites attract, look at Me and Steven,” when I first met Abi’s boyfriend Steven, I thought he was quite stuck-up, nothing like Abi who has always been much more relaxed and easy going but as I’ve got to know him he’s not quite as bad as I first thought.

“Hmm,” I tease her earning me a slap to my shoulder causing us both to laugh.

She turns the subject back to me, “You should try to talk to him Adam, what’s the worst that can happen?”, apart from him punching me in the face, oh no what could possibly go wrong.

Liam

I work from home for a couple more hours after Emily and Kayleigh go home, thoughts of our conversation very much whirring around my head and making concentrating so difficult. By the time I finish working it’s 8pm but my mind it’s still lost in thoughts of him. I decide I need a distraction to clear my head, so I grab my workout bag and head to the gym. I try to work out 2 or 3 times a week depending on my schedule.

I work out for one reason only, to try and stay healthy, my job consists of hours of sitting down at a desk so before I joined the gym there wasn’t many opportunities to stay active. I didn’t use to care what I looked like but one of my former boyfriends kindly pointed out to me that I was starting to get a bit ‘podgy’ around the middle. So, I decided to join a gym to get back in shape. But it wasn’t long after that conversation that he left me for a 19 year old hunk with more muscles than brain cells. Emily and Sarah as always were there for me after that break-up, but I found the gym was a great way to quiet my mind after a tough day, so I kept it up.

Now I’m not trying to become one of those gays that barely eats and has muscles you could bounce a coin off, but it does feel quite nice that the little definition I have built up since I started going seems to attract attention. I just wish I had the confidence to actually speak to any of the guys that I catch looking though, and now I’m thinking of him again, the mystery man from my building.

I arrive at the gym, change into my kit and head for the treadmills. I set my music playing, to avoid the awful music that’s playing through their sound-system and focus on my 60 minute routine.

Adam

I was staring out the window for what could have been the hundredth time that day. A habit I often found myself doing wherever the words were struggling to come. I’d been calling myself a writer ever since I’d left college 5 years ago, but the truth is if it wasn’t for my evening job at ‘Le Savoureux’ restaurant, I’d be living on the streets right now. Not that my flat was anything special, but it was dry and safe, most of the time. I’d wanted to be a writer for as long as I could remember, it was all ever really enjoyed doing as a kid. While all the other kids were outside playing football, I was inside with my imagination building marvellous worlds with characters that were like me. The sort of stories I wish existed, but that I never found on the shelves of my local library.

I suppose I should tell you a little about me. My name is Adam and I’m a 23-year-old “writer” from London. Although I’ve had a few short stories published, I’ve by no means been successful. No teenager pictures themselves growing up to live alone, in a tiny one bed flat on the eighth floor of a tower block where the lifts are always breaking down. It would be very depressing if they did. I came out as gay to my parents when I finished college at 18, they disowned me and told me to ‘get out’, and I haven’t seen or spoken to them since.

After I was kicked out, my best friend Abigail was my saviour. She took me in and allowed me to sleep on her sofa. It was far from ideal but at least I had a roof over my head. Abi lived with her boyfriend Steven in a small one bed flat, but with me sleeping on the sofa the only space they had to be alone together was in their room. They were both too kind to say it, but I knew I was in the way. I heard them fighting in their room, it wasn’t about me, but I knew the 3 of us in such a tiny space was too much and Abi meant too much to me to risk her happiness.

Abi had been my best friend since we were 6, she was the first person I ever told when I realised, I was gay. Not that she needed to be told. I sat her down, nervous of how she might react with the most serious face she had ever seen me make. After a few deep breathes I told her and she burst out laughing and said, “Is that all? Jeez I thought you were dying or something.” I remember just looking at her shocked, of course she already knew. I could never keep anything from her, there was never a need to. She said she’d known for years and was just waiting for me to tell her. That was when I was 14, I’d not long been certain myself before then. She didn’t care and if anything, it made us even closer, if that was even possible. After ending up her doorstep after my parents kicked me out, there was never a question of could I stay, she knew I needed her and that was that.

Abi had been a massive help getting my life back on track, as well as the roof she put over my head, she put in a good word with her boss to get me a part the job at the restaurant she worked at. It wasn’t much but it was a start to getting my life back on track. After a few weeks of living with Abi and Steven, I found a charity that specialised in helping young LGBT people after they’d been rejected by those that were supposed to care for them. They helped me to get a flat of my own and offered all sorts of help with things that I had no idea I even needed. That was 5 years ago now and it feels like I’m stuck. I’m still in the same flat, I’m working at the same restaurant, albeit I’ve worked my way from a dishwasher at the bottom of the ladder up to be an assistant host, and I’m still alone.

I’ve not been alone this whole time, there have been a number of men over the years but none of them have stuck around for long. They have all only been interested in one thing, sex! And preferably with as many men as possible. Maybe I’m unusual for wanting a man that is interested in being with me and only me. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe I’m just doomed to be alone.

As I’m sitting looking out over the courtyard below, feeling sorry for myself, I see the latest man of my dreams. I don’t know his name, but I know he’s tall, with mousy blond hair and the most amazing muscles that look great both when he’s wearing his suits for work and in his more casual clothes. I’ve seen him around the building a few times, but I’ve never been brave enough to even say hello, let alone have a proper adult conversation with him. I assume he must work a 9-5 job in some office as he’s often coming home about the time I leave to get to the restaurant in the evenings. He’s early today though, its only 1 o’clock in the afternoon. I realise that probably makes me sound like some crazy stalker but when you spend your daytimes struggling to write, you tend to notice what’s happening outside your window. Maybe a little more than I perhaps should when that view is such a sexy sight.

Liam

‘Come on pick up the phone’ I muttered to myself as the phone rang & rang while I tried to get hold of Emily or her partner Sarah. Voicemail, again, “Emily, it’s Liam, again, the school have been in touch with me because they get hold of you or Sarah. Kayleigh’s sick and they need me to go get her. Where are you? Call me!”

I was supposed to be at work when Kayleigh’s school rang to say she wasn’t well and asked if I could come pick her up. Normally Emily and Sarah would take care of all this, sure I was part of Kayleigh’s life, I’m her dad after all, but she lives with her two mums. Emily has been my best friend for years and when her and Sarah got married, they asked if I would help them to have a child. We discussed how it work, with the three of us, as I was always going to be in Emily’s life and so it was only natural, I would be part of Kayleigh’s life too. I didn’t hesitate to say yes.

I can’t believe that was 7 years ago, Kayleigh is 6 now and she’s already such a bright and funny young girl. When we had that discussion I wasn’t sure how involved I would want to be in her life, but once I saw her for the first time, in Emily and Sarah’s arms, I knew I would be just as protective of her as both of these two incredible women that I was proud to call my family. As soon as she was old enough to talk, Emily became Mummy, Sarah became Mum, and they told her I was Dad. I welled up that day, I knew when they originally asked me that this wasn’t the plan, sure I’d be a part of Kayleigh’s life but I always thought they’d just want me to be Uncle Liam, but having a child together drew the 3 of us closer than ever before and when she was old enough to understand they asked me if that would be ok with me.

But today, neither of them is answering their phones so I’ve had rush home and pick up the car in order to go collect Kayleigh from school. I always got the train to the office, but I have to drive to get to Kayleigh’s school. I dash inside my flat, dump my jacket and tie on the sofa and grab the car keys from the bowl I keep them in on the side table. Within a few minutes I’m back out and down to the parking area at the back of my building.

I drive to the school and arrive at reception about an hour after they’d first rang me, I apologise for taking so long but it seems the receptionist isn’t that interested. She’s some old woman that clearly doesn’t want to help people, an odd choice for a receptionist. Once she’s had me sign in, she directs me down a corridor to the medical room where Kayleigh has been waiting. I see her through the window before she sees me and she looks so sad, with her head perched above a bowl that presumably the school had given her in case she is sick again. I walk in the room and her eyes light up, she’s so pleased to see me even though I can tell she’s still feeling poorly.

I bend down and stroke a couple of stray hairs out of eyes, “how you feeling kiddo?”. She manages a weak smile, but I can tell she just wants to get home and lie down. “I’ve come to take you home,” she doesn’t question where her Mums are, she just wants to go home. I take the bowl from her hands and put it down beside her before picking her up and carrying her back down the corridor towards reception. I hand back the badge to the woman at the desk, who makes a curt sound by way of reply, before heading out to get Kayleigh settled in the car. As we often go places together, I have a car seat already set up in the back of my car for whenever Kayleigh is with me, so I strap her in and start to drive back to my place.

It’s rare for Kayleigh to come to my flat, it’s usually easier for me to go to their home if I’m looking after Kayleigh, but this isn’t a normal situation. I drive carefully, aware that every bump in the road is making Kayleigh feel sick again. We make it to the parking area of my building, and all seems to be ok so far, or so I thought. I get out of the car and just as I’m unbuckling her car seat, that’s when Kayleigh is sick all down my shirt. It feels disgusting, but I try not to let her know that, it wasn’t her fault after all. She starts to cry, and still bend down at her level I tell her “It’s ok sweetie, it’s just a shirt, it wasn’t your fault”. To show her it’s all ok, I remove the stained shirt and toss it in the back of the car, I could deal with the later. “See, all clean now,” I say as I gently stroke her hair to soothe her. Her tears start to ebb and now in my white vest I pick Kayleigh up and head towards the building to carry her up to the flat.

Adam

Staying indoors all day wasn’t helping, when I get stuck with my writing like this sometimes the best thing to do is to go for a walk and get a change of scenery. Maybe something would spark my inspiration and help get me out of this current funk. For a change the lifts were working today, so I hope inside to head down to the ground floor. The lift doors open, and I step out.

Just as I’m starting to walk away, this strong, manly voice that made me feel weak at the knees bellowed out from behind me, “can you hold the lift doors for me please.” I quickly hold the lift doors and look to see who has called. It’s him, the mystery man from the courtyard, he’s in a vest and carrying a small child. I should have known a sexy guy like him must be married, and with a kid too. It was just my luck. I can’t help but stare at his sexy exposed biceps as he walks towards me. He brushes past me into the lift, and it takes all my strength not to turn and watch his ass as he enters.

“You wouldn’t mind pressing the 9 for me, my hands are a little full,” he asks me with an air of shyness about him, this gentle side of him, that doesn’t match his strong physique. It makes me want him even more. It takes me a moment to realise he’s talking to me, I reach inside and press the button for the 9^th floor. “Cheers,” he replied before the doors close and I’m left staring at them still in a state of disbelief at what I’ve just seen.

I snap out of it and go to head out for my walk, I keep replaying those few moments over in my head, the disappointment that he’s straight, the sexiness of his voice and his body, the gentle shy side of him when he asked for help. If Abi was here now, she’d tell me that if he’s straight I should just put him out of my mind. She’s seen it all before, me falling for the married men, the straight men, the downright awful men. She’s always been there to pick up the pieces of my rather disastrous love life, if you can call it that. But I’m sure this crush isn’t going to go away easily, no matter how much I try to take my mind off him, I keep picturing those strong arms wrapped around me.

I know it’s crazy, I don’t even know his name and yet he’s now occupying all my thoughts. If I was sensible, or had an ounce of self-respect, I would just see the fact he’s straight and move on. But I’ve wanted him for months, seeing him crossing the courtyard each day, and around the tower block, but that desire is even stronger now after seeing him without his shirt and hearing both his bold commanding voice and his soft gentle side. I’m picturing him taking charge in my bed but being so gentle with me at the same time. Feeling his body pressed against mine as he whispers sweet words in my ear.

These thoughts were not going to help get over him, or with giving me inspiration for my writing. Not unless I wanted to write something much more X-rated that most publishers would accept. I need to think of something else, anything else, but everything I try doesn’t work. My thoughts just come back to him.